"A brave candling theory I’m making for you, little lamplight, believe..." — Mark Doty
Once again, I am reminded of the power of pausing, especially today on the winter solstice, when from ancient times, people recognized as the time to collaborate with the stars to bring back the light. Ancient peoples understood that “creation” is not something that happened “out there”, once upon a time, but is continuously happening by our choosing to participate. Our intentions, this moment of pausing and choosing to point ourselves in a certain direction, matters. The word solstice is derived from the Latin sol ("sun") and sistere ("to stand still"). Stand still and listen to the stars. The Bushmen could hear them singing. Knowing that we live in collaboration with this earth, the trees and stones and stars, matters. Imagine that invisible force we call gravity, holding us in place. Without this help, we would all spin off into space. It is a time of remembering what it is so easy to forget: we can call on trees and stones and stars, and the invisible force that brought us here, and will take us away. We can call on these presences to help us bring in the light. There is a profound feeling in this conjunction, visible from millions of miles, of other forces at work.
And how do we navigate all the loss? How can we take solace in the age old wisdom that the gift is received by being willing to dive into the abyss?
Online Course: Images from "Speak to Me from Everywhere"
Someone said that to not hurry is rest. We all need, as Gottfried Pott said, time under protection of the muse. How do we do this remotely? The paradox for me is wanting to design a course through this screen that sets up a structure for you to work, for a while, without any screens, watches or interruptions. My feeling is that this is a deep need, and essential to creativity.
My first online class is complete, and made possible by all you adventurers out there who decided to jump into this experiment. I am deeply gratified by the sense of participation that was palpable throughout the week.
Each day we worked, through writing, with a different principle of landscape. I want to show you some work from students.
What sustains you in collective loss and anxiety?
If you are not exhausted by months of Covid, the upcoming US election, and the uncertainty and tumult that has visited our world, then you are among the few. What sustains you and replenishes you in this time of collective loss and uncertainty?
The answer, of course, is mostly known. But how often do we pause long enough to hear the voice inside, and the answer that is waiting? I make an effort to begin the day by reminding myself to wake up slowly, to extend the time between waking and sleeping. I just don’t let myself get out of bed with my mind racing ahead like it wants to … and there is plenty of time for screens later. There is an implosion of “newspaper truth,” which by its nature needs to be dramatic or dismal to get our attention. My only hope is to begin by extending the morning quiet. Just this morning, in the wee hours, the full blue moon got me out of bed, and outside in it. What a comfort she is in her constancy and change, unceasingly waning and waxing, departing and returning, from total darkness to lambent light. Millions and countless millions of years of gliding across the night, witnessing every kind of disaster and miracle. I feel certain we all have a moon inside — a witness, something that returns and brightens after every darkest night.
Hundreds of years ago, Leonardo da Vinci wrote in his journal on the necessity of slowing down, gazing … looking long enough at something until that something itself becomes alive. Any of you who have beheld the object you are drawing long enough know what I am talking about. Stones, apples, lamp posts and books — all things have their presences.
Fishing the River
The land is like poetry: it is inexplicably coherent, it is transcendent in its meaning, and it has the power to elevate a consideration of human life.
— Barry Lopez
Anyone who has spent time in the desert, watching and listening, has felt the sense of depth and presence that defies the initial barren glance. I have taken many road trips to the New Mexico desert, and what follows is a true story of one I took years ago, headed toward Ghost Ranch.
Fishing the River
I am almost to the New Mexico border where the sign says, in big red letters, "You Are Leaving Colorado." Further down the road there's a second sign: “Welcome to New Mexico, The Land of Enchantment.” I have always wondered about that place between the two signs. It is some kind of demios oneiron, a village of dreams, that does not exist on any map.
Highway 17 is a rural mountain road circling above the Chama River. I have traveled it countless times on my way to teach at Ghost Ranch (named by the Spanish as a place of witches, “Ranchos de los Brujos”). This route is marked by reminders of our mortality. Rural New Mexican byways are decorated with descansos, a pastoral cross with flowers, honoring the resting place of one who has died on the road. Often I have stopped when seeing an old cemetery guarded by iron gates and filled with plastic roses and small figurines of the Virgin Mary. The gravestones have old writing and engravings of crosses, of which I have made many rubbings. New Mexican graveyards are distinct — flavored with Native American and Mexican roots. Mary is represented as the Virgin of Guadalupe, "a woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and upon her head a crown of twelve stars." There are many stories of The Virgin of Guadalupe, going back to the 1500’s. She symbolizes the bridge between heaven and earth.
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"Only in our doing can we grasp you" — Rilke
Only in our doing can we grasp you, only with our hands can we illumine you….
The first line of Rilke’s poem speaks to makers of all kinds, and how our hands can bring us back when we feel off center. Sometimes the hardest question to answer is What do I do? Or to ask yourself, listening deeply, What do I need? As they say in the old world, the veil is thinner now, Covid time reveals with urgency the gravity of the imperative to listen to your inner voice, to your calling. And to be aware, each day, of what you need. What do you need?
Odysseus’s journey was said to take 20 years to indicate it was long. For many, Covid time has shifted from something that felt more spacious, and had some security built in for the unemployed, to a feeling of long, and how can I get through?
The mind is but a visitor, it takes us out of our world…
There are so many distractions with news and this turning world, but often the biggest distraction is one’s own mind, the visitor. That visitor needs to be quiet for awhile, and let the soul emerge. Your gift has already been given. What you are waiting for has already begun. I was listening to an interview with Jordi Savall, a beloved musician, and the interviewer asked him, how did you get interested in ancient music? Jordi replied by saying that this is a misunderstanding, there is no ancient music. There are ancient manuscripts, but the music is just sleeping inside you. Take out your instrument. Begin playing and the song awakens inside you — made new.
"Every journey has secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware." — Martin Buber
In preparation for a series of 14-hour drives through farmland to my father’s, from Kentucky to Minnesota, I revisited the story of Odysseus. Most of you will remember his 20-year voyage, and the monsters, goddesses, Sirens and storms he met along the way. I felt the mythical impact of being called to attend to my 96-year-old father and his dying wife, but also the “something else” — the invisible difficult web present in the family legacy. I felt trapped in that story, which creates a fixed frame of reference. A fixed frame of reference impedes the celestial help that is always here. I needed to have a deeper story inside me. Not the monkey-mind stories, but one from the universal myths that carry a timeless wisdom and a primordial knowing that has nothing to do with culture, race, gender, economics or time.
How can I begin to tell the transforming effect of having a story, which becomes a sacred map inside you? The map shows the next step, and the road is a pathway to traverse the human dilemma— the impossible circumstances we sometimes find ourselves in….
"Aum is the sound of God's radiance." — Joseph Campbell
Many of you have asked about the possibility of me teaching online. I have thought a long while about this, and have begun by offering some “one-to-one” classes. Below are my thoughts on how to approach this.
My motivation as a teacher is to connect with my students. When we are all in the same room together, something happens: birdsong is audible, silences deepen, and the sky is visible. Presences gather as the class progresses. That energy does not communicate in the same embodied way through a screen.
What lifeline can we use through this electronic medium to evoke what we are missing? This is the question I have been asking myself in response to requests for me to teach online.
There are two things that are a part of every class I teach: meditation and poetry.
“We don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future.”— Howard Zinn
Laurie Doctor Studios stands in solidarity with Black communities, and everyone around this world who is working to dismantle systemic racism and white supremacy. I am taking a vow not to just stand by or retreat to my habitual comforts, but to pause and listen and actively work to remove the blinders that come with racial privilege.
But where do we begin? How do we avoid being overcome by despair at the multitude of problems? The title of this post returns us to the present. It is possible to find direction and create a starting point right where you are.
“We don't have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an endless succession of presents, and to live now as we think humans should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.”
— Howard Zinn
Find a place you trust
I am reconsidering this theme of finding a place you trust. This idea is needed more now, during the uncertainty and loss we all find ourselves in. Suddenly, as quick as lightning, a dear friend is gone.
Sister Corita’s first rule for her students was find a place you trust and try trusting it for awhile.
I cannot improve on this as a place to begin. When fear arises, as it does in the face of change and unpredictability, what do you do? Anxiety is a natural and universally human response, and can even be an aid to taking action. Yet we need to prevent anxiety from taking over. Everyone has gone through narrow passages, and the one we are in now is world wide. Everyone has the possibility of choosing courage over fear. With the courage it takes to traverse difficulty, something good inevitably comes. You muster the nerve to navigate the narrow passage, in spite of your fear and anxiety. Looking back at my life, I can see that when I was able to do this, coming through that door offered its own reward. Taking the risk to choose courage cultivates a trust in life, a resiliency that abides in the bigger picture, and the awareness of other forces at work.
This attitude translates to being a creator…
"It is not what we do, but how we do it." — Stephen Nachmanovitch
Coloring books may seem like an odd place to begin with the subject of improvisation, but doing something simple that has structure, and that you enjoy, leads to play. And play leads to improvisation. And improvisation leads to joy. Coloring books give you the structure of lines and the freedom of color.
In this time of sequester, I am thinking of the danger of listlessness leading to depression. Yesterday, pondering all the upheaval that has happened over here — studio flooded, preparing for a road trip to see my Dad, the dreaded IRS (that’s three, so things will turn soon…) — I remembered what Brother David Steindl-Rast said: the antidote to listlessness, boredom, overwhelm, and fogginess is joy. Instead of taking a nap, I asked myself that question — what joyful thing will wake me up and change the course of this day?
Improvisation, play and spontaneity are all components to this question: